One of the reasons society generally struggles with having certain difficult conversations is that we want to minimise the pain of survivors or perhaps, recluse ourselves from the responsibility of addressing a menace that appears to question our very humanity. Joy Anusim-Emeghara is one of the most courageous women ever walking on God’s green earth; she is more than a survivor – she is defiance-personified. In a world where evil elements lurk in the dark, Joy refused to allow the actions of some sons of perdition to take her perspective. She uses this book, “The Gift of Joy,” not just as a vehicle to control her narrative and take back her power but also as a soapbox to speak for those whose human agencies have been violated by brute beings.
The very first words in the book summarised her story: “I was born to be a warrior woman.” From her mother’s womb, she had started fighting – as a baby, she was born weak and tiny. The doctors had diagnosed her with amoebic dysentery but even in infancy, she braved the odds – she was here to stay. Joy grew up in a middle-class family and like every young lady at the time, life was jaunty, jolly and joyful. Surrounded by her loving family, she experienced the kaleidoscope of life in Nigeria. She grew up in a country with hardly any fences around houses and at a time when children could play and hang out in one another’s apartments without getting hurt and parents were comfortable with their neighbours to a large extent. Joy wasn’t just blossoming into a beautiful young lady, she had the smarts too – so it came as no surprise when she was made the Head Girl in her primary school.
As revealed in the book, at seventeen years of age, she was bubbling with life and eagerly looking forward to experiencing campus life. She immersed herself in a community of faith not just as a commitment to deepening her spirituality but also as a guardrail against the counterculture she expected to confront in such an institution of learning.
One evening, after endlessly waiting for her friend to join her home from campus, she opted to walk home alone as it was already getting dark. In no time, she was crossed by mean-looking young men in a car. From profiling them, the bottles of drinks in their cars and machetes on the car floor – it was easy to determine that they were members of a notorious fraternity in school. In split seconds she was bundled into the car and driven to a relatively isolated location. At this point, her entire life flashed right before her very eyes – the thought of death didn’t seem far-fetched. What followed was unimaginable horror; the three young men had their way with her.
The sequence of events is particularly instructive; how society typically responds to such abominable experiences. The support she got from her family, the fear of being impregnated by a pervert, the nonchalance with which the school management handled her case – she was told she should be lucky to still be alive because only a week prior, another young lady who experienced similar fate was macheted to death. Joy shares how a painful compromise was made between pursuing justice and putting herself through the mental and emotional torture of public scrutiny – reliving the ordeal was just too much of a price to pay at the time.
Her turning point came when she summoned the courage to forgive the perpetrators of such an egregious act. It wasn’t so much that she was allowing them to win or concede her quest for justice, but in the words of Lewis B. Suede, “To forgive is to set free the prisoner and discover the prisoner is you.” That marked the beginning of her healing journey. She would go on to graduate, and serve her primary place of assignment during her NYSC year so well that she became the exception – the one youth corps member who was retained at the multinational company she was assigned to serve.
As God would have it, events conspired for Joy to meet Obinna Emeghara who would later become her husband. After their wedding, Joy further shares the challenges of navigating in-laws, responding to womb-watchers, health challenges, being a woman in the workplace and ultimately raising a family. It’s hard to read the book without observing the central role that Joy’s faith in God plays in her life. Coupled with the support of family members and a community of faith, her story would be incomplete without this awesome cast of Destiny supporters.
“The Gift of Joy” is all about surmounting chaos through the power of inner strength, she gracefully documents her story for those who have experienced such dark days. I have heard her story many times over, so when she handed me a copy of her new book – I instinctively knew what to do.
Joy Anusim-Emeghara is many things but she will not be a statistic. Even as the world marks the annual 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, we are reminded by this book that certain conversations must be had – we cannot surrender to the evil cowardice that seeks to silence women or survivors of abuse. “The Gift of Joy” is more than just an eponymous book, it’s a tool that should find its way into the hands of every survivor.
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